Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Mommy's Dirty Laundry

My typical morning involves rolling out of bed, quite literally now that Im so pregnant I can't bend at the waist, getting my 9 month old out of bed, we let the dog outside, we eat breakfast, I get him dressed, we play on the floor, he lays down for a nap, I clean, he wakes up, we eats lunch, the dog picks up what is dropped on the floor, we play on the floor, he lays down for a nap, I get dressed, i clean, if I'm lucky I shower, he wakes up, we get our coats on and run errands, we get home and I cook dinner while he plays on the floor, if I forget to lock he gate so he stays in the kitchen with me and turn my back to him, he gets into something and strews it all over the floor, or breaks something, daddy comes home and plays with our son while I'm finishing dinner, we eat, I give him a bath, he goes to bed, and I'm too tired to do anything so I leave the mess till tomorrow.
I like organization, I like cleanliness, I like neat and tidy. My house is none of these things on a normal day. 

Dishes get left in the sink


Corners get left uncleaned


My bed doesn't get made


There are fingerprints all over my coffee table


There is only one usable corner on my dining table


My hutch is used to put things out of my sons reach, amongst other things


My floor has more toys than carpet covering it.


And my son likes to throw food on the floor which my dog gladly eats.


At the end of the day I am so tired of cleaning, only to have the mess pile up in some other corner. 

Then I see this messy face, covered in sauce, giving me the brightest smile, giggling at the dog eating everything he drops, and it makes everything worth it. 
Oh how I love looking at that face, and I wouldn't trade a single day of mess making with this boy for a clean house, not that I won't keep trying to have the best of both worlds. :)
 
One day I will have a clean house again, one day I won't be up until 2am cleaning the house while my tornado is sleeping, and one day will come soon enough. Until one day happens I intend to enjoy every messy day with my little messy man, and soon to be messy girl, because one day they will be grown, and I don't want to look back and have a clean house, if that means I missed out on precious memory making with them. 



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Coming March 2015...

This last month has been an emotional and physical rollercoaster.

The short version:
Last month, while visiting family a few hours west of us, I ended up going to the ER due to pain in my side causing severe nausea. I was sent home the same night after receiving anti-nausea medicine, but ended up calling my midwives and getting an appointment with a local OB-GYN, because the pain was still severe. Long story short, the doctor ordered an ultrasound which revealed the placenta tearing from the uterus, and a lot of internal bleeding. I was placed on bed rest, which included NO LIFTING, until I could get back to the cities to meet with my midwives.


Once we got home we met with my midwives, who also ordered an ultrasound(4 days after all this began). They compared results, and were slightly confused. The tearing was gone, and there were no signs of bleeding. Odd considering the original report. They decided to keep me on  limited activity(still no lifting), and they ordered a level two ultrasound for 3 weeks later, just to be safe. Because I was on limited activity and could not lift my son, we decided it would be best to move in with my parents for the time being; 3 weeks is A long wait to say the least, having to watch everyone else pick up and care for my son because I was having to care for our unborn baby as best I could.

Today after a LONG month, we had our ultrasound......

Driving to our appt
 
I was a bit excited to get to this appointment, Find out how the baby and I were doing, Learn whether or not I would need to continue living with family for extra help with Caden, and find out the gender of our unborn baby.....


With that being said, We have two announcements.
 
First: The baby and I are 100% fine. No tear. No bleeding. I can return to normal activities. I can lift my son. We can go back home. We can return to normal!!
 
Second: We would like to introduce our Daughter.......
 
 
 
 Raleigh Everly Marie!!!

 
Thank you all for your prayers during this time. We can not wait to meet our little girl in March. :)
 

Monday, October 6, 2014

Boy or Girl??

Well it's that time again, and I am beyond excited! Our doctor ordered a level 2 ultrasound this time, due to some complications we have been dealing with, but they are feeling confident everything will be fine. So I get to just sit here and enjoy being excited about seeing our baby next Tuesday, and learning our babies gender so we know which name to go with. 8 days can't go fast enough. So far we have several people who have given us there guesses on gender(yes I'm positive there's only one baby), so let me know your guess and I'll add you to our board. Happy guessing! :)


Saturday, October 4, 2014

Social Media Standards

Dear Friends on Social Media:
I’ve written this as a means of creating a standard  of etiquette for how I would like people to respond when you are on my social media feeds. This is not written towards any one person, rather this is written because I seem to run into the same problem on many social media sites, and I want to make myself very clear, so as not to be misunderstood in the future.

First, I am so thankful that I have so many friends and family who are different from me, who don't think like I do. Yes, I'm even thankful for those who disagree with me. I love the fact that I can discuss different things and not always get a thumbs up(though you who give me those thumbs up are also wonderful, and I absolutely need encouragement as well); but I love having people who challenge my thinking causing me to think through why I think, and believe the way I do. I'm thankful for each of you!


Second, the reason I'm writing this: with being my friend on any social media site there does come responsibility on your end. What you do on your social media feeds, I can not control, but when you come to my pages, posts, blogs etc... understand, I love hearing disagreement and engaging in conversation, I love chatting, challenging, and  encouraging,  each other, but I also expect that if you have disagreements that they will be made with respect. I expect that if you genuinely have a problem or concern that you will call me, message me, and talk to me instead of getting mad, yelling, cursing, or insulting myself or anyone else through these page/posts. If I see such behavior, your posts will be deleted(especially if I see insulting, even if it's passive aggressive, I do not condone any sort of intimidating/bullying). I will then email you, or call you, and try to work things out. If I am In The wrong, I will apologize and make things right. But If things can not be resolved in a healthy manner, I will not allow such things to go on, and will cut off any contact with you. I'm not doing this to be mean, but I want to ensure our friendships stay healthy, and that we can communicate in a healthy manner.


Third, I don't want anyone to question what I believe and stand for, so I will lay it out for you very clearly so as not to be misunderstood, I am a Bible believing, Christ following, Christian, and yes I do believe in Heaven and Hell.  When it comes to politics I am a conservative. I am 100% pro-life. I believe marriage is meant to be between one man and one women. I do not condone animal cruelty, but I do eat meat. I believe a wife is supposed to submit to the headship of her husband, and that this does not make her less than. I believe in freedom from all forms of slavery. I believe in respecting and honoring those who are older than me, even if I don't agree. And I believe many people will disagree with me on many of these topics.

I love and care for each of you, and thank you for your continued friendship. I desire that when you come to my social media feeds, that each of us feels safe to express our thoughts, opinions, and beliefs in a healthy manner, even if at the end of a conversation we all walk away disagreeing. I desire to give respect, and be given respect, even on ‘hot’ topics. Please feel free to ask questions or discuss further with me, anything I have mentioned.
Thank you!
 
 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I Married a Superhero

I don't brag about my husband enough, and honestly, I should. Over the last several days everyone has been asking him and I, how Me and the baby have been, making sure We are ok. Im15 weeks pregnant and We found out after a long ordeal, during a week away for Gabes work, that we had a tear between the placenta and the uterus. Honestly, I'm in a bit of pain, I'm nervous about what the doctors will say, but ultimately I'm at peace with everything. But my wonderful husband has been going through the last several days with me, too, just in a different way. Weds he took me to the ER at 4am, and still woke up to work the next morning. Because I'm on bed rest, and not supposed to lift anything, including my son he has had to load and unload vehicles while we were out of town. He's done dishes, he's taken over the morning feeding shift with Caden, he's moved Caden to the floor from the couch, and anywhere else I need him to be so I don't lift our son, he's gotten me meals, glasses of water, and medication with out complaint, and with out hesitation, no matter the time. He listens to me crying, hugs me, prays over us, and comforts me as I deal with many emotional aspects of our situation. He's worked 8 hour days, and come home with a smile on his face as he transitions smoothly into changing diapers, feeding Caden, spending time on the floor with him, and putting him to bed for the night. Then, just because he can, he goes out and gets me chocolate due to a random craving, and he brings home chocolate and flowers.

You know, that's just how he is. He goes out of his way to make sure I feel loved 100% of the time. He doesn't complain, even when things are challenging, rather he asks what he can do to best help. He's selfless in his actions. And I couldn't handle this situation with out him. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful caring man by my side through everything, not just this past week. I know he's not perfect, but my husband is a superhero In more ways then one. I feel so incredibly blessed to have him in my life, and couldn't imagine going through life with out him to hold my hand.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

So many faces

One of the most exciting aspects of being a parent, and believe me there are many, is seeing your little one develop a personality, likes and dislikes, reactions both positive and negative to things you are doing, engaging with different people on different levels. Watching the wheels turn as your baby begins to figure things out, from the movement of their hands to their mouth, to the very first steps. As I began looking through my photo album it became even more apparent at how quickly my baby is becoming his own person. Flipping from photo to photo watching his different expressions, and reactions. It brings such joy to my heart. 

I think these photos do an excellent job of capturing the many different aspects of my sons very fun personality. :)

 










Friday, May 23, 2014

Beauty

A couple days ago, As I was getting ready for my day, attempting to fit into pants that were just barely too small, I looked in the mirror, and for the final time, I cried at what I saw. Just a year ago, I was almost at my "ideal" weight, was able to fit into a size I never thought possible, I was working out religiously, and I felt confident in my own skin. So what happened?

I had my baby.
 
With my bundle of joy, has also come much heartache, as I strive to be "beautiful."
 
 
What is "beautiful?" Everywhere I look, I'm bombarded with the worlds idea of beautiful. You can't be over a certain weight, you can't be under a certain weight, you cant be too short, or too tall, you can't have curves, you can't be too skinny, and god forbid you have stretch marks, or birth marks, or some sort of deformity, that will not change. Everyone has an opinion. Even when they don't "say" anything. You can see the judgment, in the looks they give you, or when they point you out to their friends after you have walked pass. Even with all these videos and posts coming out, informing everyone that "no one looks like what the magazines have portrayed, not even the models in the cover, in real life" yet as a woman, I still strive to meet these unrealistic expectations of beauty. As a mother, I look at my stretch marks and view them as an awful marking, that I try and hide.
 
 
Each morning, my loving husband wakes up, kisses me and tells me I'm beautiful. Each afternoon, he texts me, and reminds me how much he loves me, and tells me I'm beautiful. Each evening, as he comes home, he hugs me, and tells me I'm beautiful. Each night as we are going to sleep, he wraps his arms around me, and whispers in my ear that I'm beautiful. Who am I trying to impress? The one man whose opinion matters the most to me, is constantly telling me I'm enough, He's constantly reminding me that I'm still beautiful, He's loving me with out cease just as I am, with out any expectations for me to change. So why does that not feel like enough? As he touches and kisses every stretch mark, as he wraps his arms around me, and tells me that he loves each and every curve, why do I so badly want to turn out the lights so no one can see what I consider "imperfection?"
 
So today, As I looked in the mirror, As I struggled into yet another pair of pants that just barely fit, I stopped myself. It's so easy to shame yourself when no one is looking; It's so easy to tell yourself you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not skinny enough, you'll never be perfect. Instead I looked at my self, and I said "Thank you God." This body worked to create a beautiful healthy boy. This body has energy to and the ability to play with and raise that boy. I am married to a man who loves this body as it is now. I'm eating right, I'm exercising, I'm working hard, and if that means this body will forever be 10 pounds heavier then when I first got pregnant, then so be it. I'm not being sitting around doing nothing; I'm living life, I'm keeping healthy, and this is where my body is landing itself. As for my stretch marks, they aren't some hideous monster I need to hide in the closet. They are my badge of honor. My body worked hard, and earned its right to share in this badge. More permanent then a tattoo, these marks represent the life that is now in this world, and I shouldn't be ashamed of them.
 
 Beauty isn't a number, or some obscene goal. Beauty is what I am choosing to see when I look in the mirror; it's what I see when I look around at people who are different from the standard and It's what I see when I'm in a room filled with unique people from all different backgrounds.
 
Today is the day, I choose to stop shaming myself. I choose to set the example for my children, to be confident in who I am, and how God has made me, "flaws" and all! 
Today is the day, I choose to see myself in a positive light. I choose to stop putting myself down, and embrace every difference.
Today, I choose to stop rolling my eyes at mu husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. I am beautiful.
 
I hope that you can see yourselves as beautiful too.
You are beautiful!
 
 
 



Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Moment of Pride

Today is my only sisters birthday. As I sit here reflecting on her life, wondering what to send her, what to tell her, and how to inspire her as she celebrates 19 years of life. The only words that come to mind are: 

I'm so proud of her.

I'm proud of the person she has become.
In 19 years, she and I have gone on many adventures. 
We have  fought, cried, laughed, apologized and repeated.
She is a person I can depend on with out fail. 
She has stood by me, as only a sister can, holding my hand through all life has to offer. 
We have jumped many hurdles together, faced many challenges(including each other at times)
She is a product of much prayer, and I can not believe she is all grown up.
Although, I can't put into words how absolutely amazing she is:
I couldn't ask for a more amazing sister,
and I couldn't be any more proud of her if I tried. 


Although 19 years doesn't seem like a monumental occasion, after all it's not 16, it's not 18,and  its not 21, It marks 19 years of life for an amazing young woman. That in itself is monumental, and worth celebrating!









Kierra, I love you. Happy 19th Birthday. You have grown to be such an amazingly, beautiful woman, inside and out! I am so proud of the person you have become. I pray that as this next year comes you will be greatly blessed, and that you will be given wisdom and insight into what your next steps will be. This is a year that will bring many exciting changes, and growth, and I can't wait to see how that unfolds.
I am so proud of you!!
Your older, shorter sister,
Kelly

Monday, March 31, 2014

Bliss

I'm enjoying every moment of this:


Cuddling on the couch for hours
Dancing in the dining room
Rocking him slowly to sleep
Hearing his soft coos
Watching the smile on his face as he dreams
Dressing him in cute outfits 
Kissing his chubby cheeks
Looking into his grey eyes
Watching him splash around contently in the tub
Listening to him breath as he sleeps

I love every bit of this 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Baby Time

At 6:39pm on March 2nd, 2014 after being in the hospital for 15 hours, Caden Paul graced us with his presence.I admit, being so young, and having a baby was a nerve wracking thought. But by the end of my pregnancy, I was so ready to be done with that part of my life. I'm surprised how easy, and natural it has become to feed, change, hold, and cart around our precious little man.

Yes is has been taking me twice as long to get anywhere since he has been born. Yes, I have been running late to almost every appointment, and meeting. And Yes my schedule is being dictated by a person 1/4 my size with no reasoning ability. But it is such a wonderful change. Each day, I wake  up and look forward to what the day will bring. I look forward to the snuggling, smiles, and even the vast facial expressions I receive. I can't wait for the many adventures he will bring to our family in the next 18+ years.


Friday, February 7, 2014

Three Weeks

Am I ready?
I feel everything but ready for motherhood.
Actually, I don't quite know how to word the varied emotions I feel each day.
And I think that's ok.
I don't need to have everything figured out just yet.
No one really does anyways.

But after 9 months of weight gain, an aching back, pulled muscles I didn't even know I had, and uncomfortable sleep; I'm ready for this phase to end.


I'm breathing deeply, keeping my fingers crossed, and trusting that God knows what He is doing in all this.




Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A Winter Adventure

With the cold weather here in Minnesota this week, my car has decided it will not be bothered to move. Its cold, and the car thinks it knows what's best for me.

So Monday, I call my employer to let them know, my car will not start, I have no way of getting to work, I am trying my best to get the vehicle going. I was graciously told, not to worry about it, "Stay home, I'll see you Wednesday". I felt awful, to say the least. I work with a private family, so if they told me to stay home, I knew they meant it, but I still felt like I was letting them down. And because my hormones have been so out of whack, I cried for a while. It was not my morning.

Even though I was told to stay home, that day, I had things to get done through out the week, so I needed my car. But, after much time trying to get the engine to turn over, calling my husband, who is in North Dakota this week for work, calling my father, who has no skills in mechanics, and having my neighbor and friend spend at least 45 minutes in the cold looking at it, bless His heart, I gave up. I might have cried again(stupid hormones).

Once I was finished crying, again. I sat down, and began thinking of ways to get from point A to point B in the next week. My week was busy, between work, volunteering, board meetings, and doctor appointments, I was scrambling to figure anything out. I finally settled on the Bus! I was going to figure out the bus system and use it, for the first time in my life. At 21 years old, even with growing up in the Minneapolis area, I have never had to use the bus system. It was a very nerve wrecking idea, to say the least. I might as well have said I'm traveling to Antarctica for fun.

I'm not gonna lie, it took me a good few hours to figure out all the bus connections I needed, how to map out my way to work, figure out the fastest route for me to take, Time it so I didn't get there too late or too early, yet give myself time in case something happens, and then write everything down. By the time I was done, I knew the routes to work, church, and my doctors office, and home again from each. 6 pages of detailed information filled my notebook. Despite that I couldn't have felt more unprepared.



Tuesday, I got a ride to and from the place I volunteer, which was nice. So everything went great.

This morning, Wednesday, I woke up at 6am. 3 hours earlier than I normally have to. I was a little cranky as I fed my pets, got dressed, grabbed breakfast, and put all of my stuff in a backpack. I stepped outside at 7am, with $10 in quarters(I had no idea how much the bus system cost, to say the least), and my notebook. I tried to start my car, just in case, but it still wouldn't move. So I walked the three blocks to the first bus stop. I almost missed the first bus, I was saved by a red light!!

I nervously got on, and began inserting my quarters, $2.25, and took a seat. I don't doubt I looked like a lost dog on the bus. I kept looking at my notebook, and then at the stops we were at, I was so worried I'd miss my stop, and be unable to figure out how to get back. Thankfully I made it through my first bus ride just fine. I got dropped off at the light rail platform, and decided to purchase a day pass so I could reserve my quarters. The light rail was running 3 minutes late, which made me fret, because  
"What if it caused me to miss a bus later?"
OR
"What if the time change meant I was in the wrong place?
I got so nervous I actually asked someone if the Light rail was the right light rail to the MOA.... I was born and raised here, honestly! I did know the answer, I just wanted to hear someone else say it. She probably thought I was crazy, but she sweetly informed me I was in the right place.



I got on the light rail, I got to the MOA, no problems. They were running a few minutes behind, but my notebook told me I still had 5 minutes before my next bus left, so I was ok. I then ran around the huge bus bay, and found the space where my next bus should have been.... turns out they were running behind too... by another 5 minutes. Those 5 minutes feel like forever when you are cold. Anyways. The bus came, I got on, I show her my newly purchased day pass, she scans it, and tells me it's expired. I look at her dumbly, my heart might have stopped, I was just begining to feel confident with the bus system at this point. I look at the ticket, She points to the coin machine, and I slowly begin putting in quarters while looking at my ticket. before I put the full amount in, I reshow her the ticket, pointing out the purchase date and expiration date. She shrugs her shoulders, says sorry, can't give me my quarters back, and lets me on. I sat down as quickly as I could not wanting to run into another problem. 

By the time we reach my next bus stop, It's 8:30am. My next bus comes at 8:43am. There are two huge buildings, and I have no idea where I'm supposed to stand. I begin looking for Bay B, but there are B's on both buildings. I finally ask a gentleman if he knows where I should be. He politely informs me, he actually doesn't know, he was just waiting for his co-workers to pick him up to carpool to work, but if he had to guess, he would say the other building. So I run across the road, and wait in front of the B door. When 8:44 comes and I don't see my bus, I got anxious. This bus only comes once an hour, so I could not miss it. I walk over to another group of people who just entered the building and ask them, just to verify where I should be. They tell me "You just missed it" As I look over and see a bus pulling away from the other station.

I thank them, and walk over to the other station. I pull out a map to see how far from work I am(I was 4 miles). I had an hour to get there. I can't wait for the next bus, After that bus dropped me off I would still have a 20 minute walk, so I decided I was going to put my hood on, tighten my jacket around me, and hike the rest of the way. 

The gentleman who I had asked for help from earlier, gives me a confused look, as I pass him headed toward the doors. He of course thought I was waiting for a bus. I let him know, that I had been on the wrong side, had missed it, and had to be at work on time. He inquired as to how far it was. I told him about 4 miles. He gave me this wide eyes look of shock, as he looked outside, and mentioned how cold it was. But I was determined to be ON TIME!! I told him, "I'm young, and as long as I keep moving, it'll keep my blood flowing, and I should stay warm." I said a quick prayer for warmth, and off I went.

I got about 5 blocks before I heard a horn behind me. It was the gentleman, and his 2 co-workers, an older gentleman and a younger gal. I walked toward the car window, and he tells me. "We're not having a pregnant lady walk 4 miles to work in the cold, and the old man agrees. Hop in and we will drop you off where ever you need to go." I didn't argue. They called their boss to let them know they would be a few minutes late because "they were dropping a pregnant lady off so she didn't have to walk" and off we went. I got to work an hour early thanks to them. And was told if I missed my bus, again, the next time, They would drive me. I thanked them, and walked into work. They were surprised to see me so early, but I explained what happened and they just laughed. It was an adventure to say the least.

No the transit system is not all that scary, but cut me some slack, I'm hormonal, and it was my first time giving it a shot. I still prefer my car, but I will definitely feel more comfortable in the future, like on my way home tonight :P 


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Home Stretch


As the holidays end, and I enter the 8th month of this pregnancy, I feel like I have been running a long, hard race, and I find myself overly excited to be nearing the end. Not just in my pregnancy, either. As many people know, when we began this journey, we found ourselves financially, in over our heads, due to the miscarriage we had in April '13, and lack of insurance to help pay for those expenses. With the unexpected loss brought a debt of just over $10,000. As newly weds we had no idea how things were going to work themselves out. We found ourselves on our knees, in tears(Partially due to my hormones, and partially due to stress), in prayer more often then not. But through it all God had us in such a good place. We were blessed by friends, and family who rallied around us, to support us during this season, beyond what we could have ever imagined.

With that being said, as I think of the words 'home stretch' and how they relate to my current whale-like situation, I'm not JUST excited to be nearing the end of this pregnancy, and holding a baby boy(though I am pretty excited for that as well). This Home Stretch marks the ending of unwanted bills, and debts. March 1st, 2014, isn't just the day our boy is due, it's the day we make our FINAL payment to unplanned medical expenses. It will be the last day we have to see a medical bill that is from a day we lost a baby, As well it will be the first day,hopefully(though I might not mind him coming early), we hold the blessing that is our current baby.

Yes there will still be expenses, we will still need to pay for school, and will need a car, and of course continue having our everyday living expenses, but none of that feels overwhelming. It's not an added demand that we feel pressured by. This is truly the home stretch for us!!

Thank you, to everyone who has been behind us, holding our hand, listening, praying, and supporting us. This has been a very difficult journey for us, more often then not, but a needed one(I'll explain why later). :)