An original song (still no title)

This is a song that just sorta came to me I began to write about the rain and how much I love it and this emerged. I was thinking about my 7th and 9th grade year, and kinda the whole scenario behind it, for those who don't know, those were really bad years, I was verbally attacked often and constantly told this world would be better off if I were dead. I often came home in tears because of things that were said, and I didn't know what to do I felt like God had abandon me and I was done with life. I wanted it to end.. Well this one wendsday night upwards the end of 9th grade I was crying and yelled "God If you love me I need to hear it because unless I know you love me and are with me, I'm ending it tonight!"

Well that night I went to Youth group and a girl I had never met before came up to me, and gave me this note, it basically said "I have never met you, but I love you. God loves you, He has shown me your heart and the beautiful person you are. I would and will lay my life down for you." I broke, God Loves me!! He heard me!! And so thats what this song is really about.

Do you hear the rolling thunder
Can you see the lightening flash
Feel the rain
Welcome to my life
Darkness always follows
Telling me I'm worthless
It says Hello
And I'm trapped
Why does this always happen
When things get so bad
I wanna run I wanna cry
Cut my wrists give up don't try

Chorus:
Is there anybody out there
Give me a reason
to save my life
From death tonight
Can everybody hear me
Are my words spoken clearly
Call my names
Or I'm leaving Hell tonight

The mocking words they sting me
Play with my mind and hurt me
Can't they see
I'm broken inside
This corner is my friend
Two walls protect me
I'm alone
And I cry
Why does this always happen
When things get so bad
I wanna run I wanna cry
Cut my wrists give up don't try

(CHORUS)

Time was no friend
Time was no friend
Time was no friend
Pull the trigger (repeat multiple times)

(CHORUS)

Then I read the words
written clearly cross the page
How did you know
I needed to know(X2)

I.........
I.......
I.........
I love you (repeat multiple times)

I know your out there
Gave me a reason
To save my life
From death tonight
Can everybody hear me
His words are spoken clearly
He called my name
This isn't Hell, I'm here tonight!

I know this recording isn't great, it was done with my webcam, but it gives you the idea of how its supposed to sound. =)

School.... hehehe

Well..... I don't think I've ever slept so much in my life =D Today we had PSAT's, which replaced two classes this cold miserable morning, and well lets just say most of the test was easy, but quite tedious. Thus I had a lot of time on my hands. Now I was studying for another class after I was finished, or rather trying to, but the ticking of the clock was so relaxing, tick.. tick... tick... tick.. tick... I looked up and watched the second hand moving slowly around the face of the clock counting the seconds pass.... tick.. tick.. tick.. tick... slowly I placed my head down, just for a second mind you.. my eyes were so heavy, and the sound of pencils moving over paper, mixed with people feet tapping softly on the desk in front of them, and pages being turned were so soothing.... until finally I fell asleep.........

I awoke when the bell rang for lunch, perfect timing =D

Thinking

Yes simply that cool

Theres the over bite =D

HAHAHA yeah

Straight face for comparison sake

So it's been a month now, and I love where we are and love the neighborhood, and I love this house, but I really do miss all my friends being so close, I miss my youth group, I miss my hometown and knowing it like the back of my hand, I miss walking to the railroad tracks, sitting and writing, laughing, crying, or just thinking, I miss a lot of things. Its been a challenge for me. I've grown up in Bloomington, despite all the moves I've made in the last 13 years its always been in Bloomington, close to everything.

Its weird because I don't even know how to put into words the thoughts that are going through my head. I feel like laughing because I know this is a good thing, but at the same time crying because everything different. Its only 45 minutes away, true enough, but its not like I can go out there everyday and see people. I think one of the hardest losses has been the youth group. The last time I went I had found out we got the house, and I was too excited to realize I that was the last time I would be there, the last time I would run power points, or open the candy shop, as well as finally lead worship there, trivial things i know, but after 4 years with this youth group seeing it at its high and lows, they have become like family.

Gosh I've been sitting here thinking for 45 minutes trying to figure out how to word all this, How sad is that, I cant even word any of this, So lets just say I miss a lot of things!

And please don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy, about where I am and whats been happening. But the transition and trying to find a new normal has been difficult. anywhoo I put up a picture, This is me 3 weeks after the surgery(3 hours ago lol) swelling is mostly gone, and I have an overbite LOL... and yes I have been having waaaaay too much fun with my webcam LOL pictures are evidence enough lol =P