My grandma!

Today was my Grandma's Birthday, 60 years old, with the spunk of a person half her age. I wanna tell you why I love her, because she really is an amazing woman! but I'll keep this short so as not to make everyone Jealous ;P

Grandma Martha, She has been just that, My Grandma, though not biologically, she might as well be. You know Grandma isn't a word I throw around lightly, nor do I consider it a light term. It's a word used in the highest regards, and my Grandma Martha has taken the meaning of Grandma to a whole new level.

I have never felt forgotten with her in my life, due to her purposeful planning and day trips, whether it has to do with doing something small, like grabbing a lunch, or going to her house and playing wheel of fortune, Or something big, like taking a trip to the zoo, or the history Museum, Grandma has always made time for us kids. I remember with clarity in September, after my jaw surgery, during the time I was confined to the house for 6 weeks unable to eat solid food, Grandma drove the 45 minutes just to have lunch with me, and of course to make it all the better she brought Chocolate peanut butter Ice cream.(my favorite by far!) It's all the simple, seemingly meaningless, things that she does that always brightens my world.

But even when she's not there in person she makes it clear, we are on her mind. From the Birthday cards we find in the mail, always picked out with care, and containing a message sure to bring a smile to anyones face. To the advent calenders she has sent us every year, even when we "seem" to be too old for them and they are hard to find, counting down the 25 days to Christmas. After all it never seems like Christmas really starts until we see that in the mail. And all of this doesn't even include the prayer support, and words of wisdom she has shared with us over the years.

Needless to say I love her! From her sarcasm to her pearls of wisdom, and i could never imagine living life with out her! I Love you Grandma!! =D

Quick note

At this moment I smell like a mix between freshly cut grass, and cleaning supplies. Lovely right? Well after a long beautiful day of mowing the lawn, and getting tons of work outside done, I came inside as it began to rain, and cleaned the house top to bottom(minus my room of course, no comments from the peanut gallery). Upon finally finishing up all 8 hours of work, i was intending to make my way to the nearest coffee shop when I notice the news.....

Tornado warnings

then look outside.....

The wind was getting serious, the rain was coming down in sheets

and just when it couldn't get any better.....

sirens go off

So I couldn't even run in the rain.

Well, needless to say it was 90 minutes before I made it out to my coffee. Not even a little thunderstorm could hold me back. I'll publish later some video feed of us during the storm, be sure to notice Kyle's hopeless attitude towards it.

Peace of Mind

This week has been... WOW where should I start? I think I'll start with last Thursday.

Thursday: I woke up and began getting line after line after line for a poem. "Love Poem" I have never had anything like that happen before where God just lays on my heart something, and gives me such insight. It was simply amazing! This brings me to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAPwaya9t5w

Friday: I went to street level and was totally stressing about Saturday. To the point I could hardly talk to people. I felt like I was going insane, and I began getting panicky, and so I stuck with just praying and praying and praying and praying until I FINALLY got my nerves calm just as we were about to leave lol good timing right? =P

Saturday: I met up with the drama team and we all went to perform at a coffee house in Chippewa falls, WI a 2.5 hour drive in a seven passenger Van all seats full, PLUS equipment.. THAT was a fun trip =P We got there, we set up, and we began going over our dramas. and Might I say our team did SO well! I am SO proud of them!! =D I performed my poem, and I thought it was good, but I hadn't expected this reaction... As soon as I stopped I looked up and noticed people were totally silent, and just staring at me.. I first thought, "Did I make a mistake??" when It broke with applause, and i noticed tears down many peoples faces. When I was done requests for the poem came like an overwhelming flood. God certainly knew what he was doing when he gave me the words!!

Monday: I went down to help lead an Urban Immersion with Good in the 'Hood, we had about 10 middle schoolers come down with there two leaders, as well as 6 Good in the Hood volunteers(My dad, myself, Jake, Anna, Brandon, and Dustin) Afterwards, we finished the event earlier than planned, so the group that came down went home 30 minutes early... we began to clean up, My dad, and Brandon went downstairs to do a supplies check, Anna, and Jake went upstairs to put stuff in the fridge, and I stayed on the main floor, as Dustin left the building... suddenly out of nowhere we begin hearing gunshots. I walk towards the door when a bullet flies through the door a few feet in front of me, and through 2 walls, I notice Dustin running back to the door, Yelling "GET DOWN!" Jake who happened to be on the steps at that moment pushes the door open, and runs past me downstairs to my dad and Brandon.. I remember Anna upstairs, and run up there, she begins crying, as she and her husband(brandon) are intending to move up there(because its an apt) in a few weeks, and this was a HUGE reality check for her. I begin praying out loud over the situation and whats going on, when we hear the guys, quite literally RUNNING up the stairs in a panic(they realized we weren't downstairs and feared for our lives a few minutes after Jake and Dustin made it down =P)

Funny thing though I never once panicked... I recognized what I needed to do, and just did it.. I don't think I have never been more calm in my life, and more sure of the fact that I NEED to be in the city working! There are so many hurting people, and I NEED to stay active there where so many people are giving up and seeing it as a lost cause.

Lets just pray my mom sees things that way before she makes a rash decision to pull us out of any activities relating to the inner city =P

You

When survival seems the only option the obvious path seems so clear
She can walk down the street, her head held high, but in her distant eyes, lingers fear
People, they can’t mock her they can’t tell her what to do
But sure, there words can sting, dark cold lies from that crew

They wish upon her death scratching lies by her name
Saying things, she knows ain’t true, only adding to her shame
The thin cuts all up her arm? “Just a way to deal” she’ll calmly say
Even though she’s well aware it’s an excuse and there always is another way

“Your life is way to short” I look in her eyes and I scream
But it won’t change her mind, her futures already faded to a dream
“Life’s not worth living, I’m tired, I’m cut down, and they don’t want me here
It’s too late to save me, and besides why would you care?”

The hardness, called her heart, wrapped in thorns and pretty ties
That kept everybody out giving her space to listen to her lies
Her thorns now cut my hands as I reach in blood pouring from my vein
She screams “It hurts, let go all you cause me is more pain”

I won’t let go! My hand is reaching out for hers.
I say “I love you” as she spews at me her angry slurs
“My dear don’t do this, your precious can’t you see?
I made you for so much more than they say you could be”

She twists and pulls, leaving scars in my hands, she cursed
She’s overwhelmed and scared her emotions preparing to burst
Everything she wanted everything she thought being tested she’s falling to her knee
The hatred that she’s felt never letting her be free

She’s confused and lashing out, and going back to what is “safe”
But her mental battle hasn’t ended and there still is no relief
Her time is set, or so she hopes, she is ready for her grave
“You just lie, and I can’t trust, me you’ll never get to save”

“But darling don’t you see, look at me, and tell me I don’t care
My love for you is treasured, precious, and one that is so rare
No sea can measure; no mind could imagine just how much to me you mean
I’ve never left you, I’m always here, but you refuse to let that seen

Scared of hurt lack of trust, I’ll never let you go
Curse my name, cut me deeper, but my love will always show
I knew you before your birth and loved you just the same
I knew your every thought, I knew your fears, I even knew your name


You’re always on my mind held in my hand I hold you tight
Even though you run, for you, I’ll never give up this fight
You’re beautiful, you’re lovely, my daughter it’s not your time
Don’t do this; I love you, Even though it hurts to climb

This mountains high so steep, but the top is drawing near
Hold on, I’m with you; I have always made that clear
You’re unique; you’re wonderful, far more precious than any stone
You don’t belong to this world, so what they say, you don’t own!

Come to me, my hands outstretched, I’m calling you to live
Your life in me is freedom, and to you want to give
Just call my name, and let me in, for beauty you were made
Give me all your hurts and fears, trust me, you have no reason to be afraid”

She looks at me with tears in her eyes, a glisten that’s never been
“I want that” and with that death simply could not win
Her face now filled with joy she tells others her story clearly
Of a savior who is there and always loved her dearly

“Take my past take my future, Take my thoughts take my all
I’m so tired of this world that keeps building up this wall
No more separation you are real you are here
Your love for me is so immense that I can feel when you are near

No more hiding no more running I lay it at the cross
I give it all to to you I want you to be the boss
The razor was held against my vein when everything was dark
But because of what you said it couldn’t leave its mark

It’s you I love its you I trust, through you I no longer am bound
In you my heart is safe, through you my hope is found
You picked me up from darkness even though I was a mess
And because of what you did, from my mouth, only your name I will bless.”

Future thoughts

The future has always frustrated me. But I think it's getting worse now as I'm coming face to face with becoming an "adult" All these dreams of growing up, and becoming a Superhero, or Doctor, or Teacher, or in my case the first Woman President, are suddenly realities, and I have to decide what I am going to do. Where I am going to go, and I don't want to disappoint people. If I had it my way I would take time off and travel. Just leave and see the world, but responsibilities hold me back. When people ask me what I am going to do when I graduate I have a pretty sure fire plan, Community college for two years than St. Catherines University to get my Bachelors as an RN Nurse. 4 years of my life will be gone after that. Slow down!!

As of today there are, 5 months and 25 days until I turn 18, 6 months after that I graduate Highschool, and 3 months after that I begin attending the community college, 2 years after that I will be attending a University, and hopefully 2 years after that I will have graduated, and by then I will be 22........... >.<>

God where are You?

I'm sitting alone, its dark other than the faint glow of the computer screen and ya know whats running through my head?

"God where are You?"

Yeah I know its crazy right? Asking God where He's been. Here's what I keep thinking,

"Lord My friends are hurting, peoples lives torn apart
Where are YOU? Because right now, what I'm seeing is dark
I keep hearing a girl crying because her mothers gone,
and a boy throwing fists at the wall because his father told him to be strong.
The clouds keep rolling in, getting darker and thicker.
And I'm going to be honest, My heart is beating quicker.
Right now Come alive, is my worst fear
A long time ago you told me somewhere

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you.
Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
-Isaiah 41:10

But lately Your right hand seems kinda far.
Times are getting tough and I have over come so much,
but for every step forward, it seems like I'm taking a step back.
Losing my way I'm far from on track.
Time keeps slipping away.
Days keep passing by, meaningless days.
Wondering whats going on?
It doesn't seem right, I thought I was strong!
But I look around and keep getting told that I'm wrong.
But wanna know whats funny
or maybe not funny, but awesome despite
No matter what I think, say, or feel
There's one thing I can depend on I know that its real
God You're here, I base this all on faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1

Such big meaning for one little word but its what keeps me going whenever I start to question. Gods real God's active. And I can list story after story, of what You've done in my life. Of times I have seen you at work, and caring.

God help me be strong when I feel like collapsing,
Give me rest when all I can do is toss and turn,
Give me peace when I'm all alone,
Remind me I'm precious when I want to die
A treasure worth waiting for when I want to give in
Give me courage when I'm scared to stand tall
and let me rest in your presence When I'm about to fall"